TRAVELLING THROUGH CONTAMINATED LANDS (2)
The first important thing to notice about this trip to Fukushima prefecture is how paranoid I became. Of course, I’m wearing a mask outside (which is not protecting me, but it’s to ease my mind) and thinking about what food I should eat, but it’s more annoying than that. Yesterday, it started raining and I was told that you should definitely wash your hair after a rainy day, to drain whatever particles were in that water. I get to my hotel room and decide to wash up. And then I have a weird thought: mh, is the tap water ok? Well, this is a real question. If I’ve been contaminated by raindrops and then wash myself with water that is contaminated, is it really useful? I guess they conduct tests to make sure tap water is not too polluted, but as they increased the allowed level of cesium and Becquerels in food, who knows if it would be accepted in your home country? Then, I wanted to wash parts of my clothes because I realized that I would need them 2 days later. Again, I hesitated, thinking about the water used in the washing machines. As you can see, every bit of your life becomes a worry. What should I eat? How should I dry my clothes? Where should I walk? What kind of places should I avoid? Fresh example: I just put my hair near my mouth (I have a bad habit of smelling my hair) and realized that maybe I shouldn’t do that. Well, I’ll be washing my hair tonight too, hoping my hair won’t make a fuss.
I’m just paranoid about everything. I started thinking about all the food I ate in Tokyo without being careful and how annoying it must be to check everything. You can’t live normally anymore. Having a rice ball at the convenience store? But where does the rice come from? Having a meal at your favorite ramen shop? But where was the pork raised and with what was it fed?
People in Hokkaido opened my eyes to this whole problem that I tried so hard to forget. Radioactivity is an invisible bitch. It’s all around you and you just have to wish your body would be able to withstand it. It’s so demanding to think about it that you eventually try to forget. I guess it’s a very normal reaction. Your brain is able to severe electric impulsions when you suffer too much, so that you wouldn’t lose your mind. Why wouldn’t it be able to mask some of your worries to allow you to live kind of normally? Yesterday evening, after spending the day worrying about this and that, I fell asleep around 10 p.m. I was just exhausted by all of this. Of course I had traveled all the way from Tokyo but it’s not like when you go to Hokkaido and have to take the plane. It was a simple 2 hour-long train trip. And my body felt like 10 tons (I swear, I’m not that heavy yet ^^). I can’t imagine having to deal with this fatigue everyday, 365 days a year… I know understand why one of the participants’ mother sleeps for a whole day when she goes to Hokkaido for a “refresh” trip. This whole situation is nerve wrecking.
Listening to: iKON – 지못미 (APOLOGY)